


The Things We Know We Shouldn't Do

by staticfiction



Series: The Things We Know We Shouldn't Do [1]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 19:51:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16373981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staticfiction/pseuds/staticfiction
Summary: The one where bad boys make good girls go bad. Alternatively, the one where good girls make bad boys go mad.





	The Things We Know We Shouldn't Do

From where Brian Kang stood, crouched low with his arms over the banister and brooding on the second floor balcony, the Daydream dance pit might as well have been an ocean, stygian if not for the breaks of lights flashing and strobing in time with the bass and the kicks. The floor came to him in illusory flickers of lights coruscating from the walls, intermittent jerks of stationary pictures like transparencies from an old overhead projector being changed too fast for him to follow. Assaulted with vertigo, he closed his eyes and slowed his breathing, involuntarily drifting back to the thoughts that had kept him awake for more than 72 hours now. 

He was on the verge of a downward spiral that he couldn’t figure out how to shut down. He had sensed it coming, felt the pull of gravity even before he was consciously aware of the situation. Convincing himself that he had full control had been easy, a lie here, a bluff there, but he had been building a house of cards and he was trapped inside. A mere whisper would cause its collapse, but it wasn’t a whisper that chased him but a storm. Even if he changed directions, the storm would find him. If he sought cover, the storm would blow in and reveal him. There was no escape from the disasters that brewed from inside his own mind.

He squeezed his eyes tighter, begging to be plunged into total darkness. These unnamed, unwanted abstractions of emotions threatening to expose themselves were going to be his downfall.

“You’re in one of those wangsty philosophical moods again, aren’t you?”

Brian opened one eye to acknowledge Jae’s presence. Jae Park knew him well enough, perhaps too much than either of them were willing to admit. It was an unfortunate side effect of having lived with Jae for far too long. Surely living with Jae had its perks, but he couldn’t quite enumerate them at this time. His other housemate Sungjin had absolutely no time nor patience, or even the temperament to listen to Brian’s long-winded introspections or ruminations on his inevitable mortality. Five of them have lived together long enough for each of them to tell at once when, in said roommate’s words, a Philosophical Bullshit episode was coming, and Brian would find himself adrift on his own with no one to exchange thoughts with.

Not even his appointed best friend Jae Park himself had the patience for these moods of his. Like Sungjin, he would only call him out on his shit, but unlike Sungjin Jae would also drag him off to get shit-faced wasted before strong-arming him to deal with whatever troubled him. It was exactly what he needed sometimes, other times it was good enough to distract him until the next episode. But both of them knew, though Jae tried, he would never fully understand the loneliness Brian lived with. But that was okay. In any case, Jae was his only option.

He listened to him, if sometimes maybe patronizingly if not schemingly. But Brian has learned not to be choosey when he’s on the verge of begging for attention. Paper and a guitar can only listen so much, and even he could tell how depressing his compositions were getting as of late.

“How can you tell.” It was rhetoric, as both of them knew. Brian only ever came up here when he wanted to  _ not _ think. Silence made the voices in his head scream louder, up here and just above the speakers, music drowned out the thoughts that raced with each other to see which one destroyed him first.

“Still thinking about it?” Jae asked over the music. 

Onstage, Wonpil had taken over the DJ’s soundboard and was playing a violent mashup of songs for the dance-dueling Im Jaebum and Jackson Wang. Just minutes ago, Brian had been in the middle of the stage, still convincing everyone else to refer to him as Young K, on bass for their band DAY6. Jae might not have said anything out loud or referred to anything specific, but a conversation he had with Sungjin just a few days back had resurfaced full force somewhere in the midst of that sentence.

“Trying not to.”

Jae turned his back to the pit and leaned backwards into the railing. “You know, the first step is acknowledgment.”

“Fuck acknowledgment,” Brian muttered under his breath.

“I believe those are keywords we’re looking for.”

Brian sent him a glare that, if Jae weren’t Jae, would have sent anyone else running and screaming into the sunset never to return to this galaxy again. “Who told you? Was it Wonpil? I made him pinky-swear!”

“There, there,” Jae soothed, gently patting the metal bar. “No need to be brash. Wonpil broke no pinky-swear codes. Don’t worry, he didn’t tell me anything. Gentle reminder that I live with you. I know everything. Also, Jimin knows everything. Therefore, I know everything via secondary sources. Not necessarily via Wonpil, a snake he may be.”

He should have trusted Dowoon instead, but given the extenuating circumstances Brian was forced to be realistic and thus set his bar low. Wonpil was available. Beggars can't be choosers. Earlier that year, he had come to a realization that perhaps the reason he did not have friends (backup friends, in case the band was unavailable; he’d sooner denounce his serious musician cred and walk the cutesy pop life than seek advice from Jackson or Jimin) was because he was turning into a sentient personification of an irascible garbage bin. In his defense, he was tired and battle-worn. Self-aware of the meaninglessness of one’s existence and trapped in the tragedy of free will.

“You’re bothered by something Sungjin said.” Even in the noise of the club, Jae had managed to sound removed and unthreatening. It sent the warning bells ringing in Brian’s head.

The issue had come up in one late night studio writing session with Sungjin. He didn’t remember how it had been brought up, or what they were even talking about when it happened, but the mention had changed the tone of the discussion. Sungjin had caught on to it quickly. Then three days ago, Sungjin had chanced upon him again in their shared music studio space at Studio J. Brian had been lying on the carpeted floor, legs spread, arms splayed to his sides, and his palms up in submission. He stared up at the loose fuzz on the padded grey ceiling with the absent scowl that sometimes took the place of his default glaring face.

Sungjin had kicked the edge of his sneakers, only slightly bringing Brian out of his trance. “What is wrong with you?”

“I’m thinking.”

“Don’t think on the floor, it’s disgusting. It’s unsanitary. It's not as if I clean this place up like the house.” Sungjin had stepped over his legs and assumed his position on his favorite chair. “And sleep like a normal person, for goodness’ sake.”

Brian averaged about three to four hours of sleep a day (he was nocturnal, thus most productive past midnight), more than enough in his opinion. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Neither do I. Congratulations, you’re not special.”

Brian heard the strumming of Sungjin’s acoustic guitar. “But you and…Don’t you want one? Haven’t you thought about it? What about you and…you know. Why don’t you ever do something about that? She’s nice. Smart. Pretty. She’s not overly embarrassed to take you everywhere.”

Sungjin had sighed so loud Brian felt the air stir. “This and that are two very different things.”

“Not really.”

“Then the same can be said about you and—“

“That's different. I'm just looking out for her.”

“No one needs you to look out for them. ”

“Sara needs me to look out for her.”

“Sara is more of an adult than all of us combined, she doesn’t need you or anyone to take care of her. You’ve written too many songs about her already, it’s just sad.”

Sungjin probably had a valid point as he had worked with Sara volunteering at the Greenhouse and then some (what it was exactly Sungjin did, he never bothered to ask), but Sungjin did not know Sara the way Brian did. Sungjin, like everyone else, only knew her within the context of everything being calm and composed. Brian had already witnessed too much to be blinded by her perfect facade.

“She’s my muse.”

“Have you asked her what  _ she _ wants?” Sungjin had asked.

“I don’t even know what  _ I _ want,” Brian had admitted. In a way, it was true. He had spent so much time convincing himself he couldn’t want Sara, that she couldn’t possibly want him in the same way. It was easier that way. Expectations, managed.

“I can’t help you there, my friend.” Sungjin spoke in his nonchalant drawl, his you-know-what-to-do-so-just-do-it voice, and that was even more aggravating when the moment called for sympathy.

“I’d appreciate it if you’d be more accepting of my crisis.”

“Who’s fault is it you have a crisis in the first place?” Sungjin replies, “Is it my fault your balls are blue? Is it my fault you’ve played out the entire scenario in your head and preemptively gave yourself a tragic ending? No. That’s on you.”

“I’m being realistic.”

“You’re being pessimistic. How do you even live? Just deal with it. You’re becoming a grump and that’s my problem because I have to live with you. Go to the club. Or somewhere. Anywhere.”

“I don’t want to go deal with it at some club.”

The strumming had gone silent and Brian heard the distinct creaks of the plastic chair being moved. “She deserves more than just dealing with.”

“I know.”

“And if you make up your mind about her, you’re going to have to live with it.”

“I know.”

“Do you, really?.”

“Yes.”

“Sara is—”

“I know. She’s delicate. Fragile. Too good for me.”

“A month ago I’d agree, but the Sara in your head is a different version from what she really is.”

“You just don’t know her like I do.”

“Whatever. Do you want to date her or do you just want to—”

“Hey!”

“I’m trying to understand you. But at the end of the day, it is what it is. Figure that out first. Then deal with it.”

Deal with it, Sungjin had said. As if Sungjin’s ever dealt with his own complicated feelings.

“I’m not bothered by something Sungjin said,” Brian finally answered, shaking the memory off his system. It wasn’t so much as what Sungjin had said as it was the realizations that dawned after it. Brian had been forced to reveal a hand he didn’t even realize he had been dealt. A revelation he wasn’t ready to admit to just yet.

Like how he saw her the moment she walked into the club.

Sara walked in and Brian’s eyes were immediately trained on her. The rest was just background, twitchy stop motion frames in comparison to Sara in realtime full motion. Her companion, Choi Youngjae, leaned in so she could talk into his ear. Something stirred beneath his skin, a dark primal urge to spirit her away from this place. Sara didn’t belong here.

The first time Sara had walked into this club, she had been drunk and had immediately gotten herself harassed. The scene had snapped something in him that Brian had thought laid dormant in the empty spaces a normal beating heart should be. He had then made it his life’s mission to never again allow Sara to break.

It was Jae’s hand on his shoulder that brought him back to the conversation. Brian frowned at the contact.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“What?”

Jae grinned. “As I was saying, the first step is acknowledgment. Figure out what you really want, and then take it one step at a time from there.” He patted Brian’s shoulder twice before pushing himself off the banister and leaving Brian behind to swim in the dastardly darkness of his thoughts.

Now, it wasn’t as if Brian could pinpoint the exact moment things had changed for him. There wasn’t a moment of clarity when it dawned on him that the reason he was no longer interested in other girls was because he was holding out for  _ a _ girl. There was no music, no bright lights, no earth-shattering discovery that lead him to see Sara in a different context. It wasn’t until he was losing sleep, changing his routine, and writing silly (and tragic) love songs that Sungjin and Jae had called him out on it.

Brian’s knuckles clenched around the metal bar of the railing when he lost Sara in the pit. His eyes scanned the first floor, feeling the cold fingers of panic wrap around his neck. It took hold of him, full force when she appeared in his periphery.

“Jae said I’d find you here.” Sara emerged from the shadows of the spiral staircase and made her way next to him. “What are you doing up here?”

Standing next to him highlighted the difference between them, her white blazer and acid grey jeans and him in all black. “I’m always here. What are  _ you _ doing here?”

“It’s my birthday,” she shot back, “Isn’t this what people do on their birthdays?”

Brian pulled back his too long sleeves enough so he could flick his wrist to see the time. “Not for five more minutes.”

“You know my birthday?”

Brian didn’t know what he was more distracted by, her dazzling smile or that she wore a thin satin tank top underneath her blazer. “You feed us every year since we met you.”

Sara turned away, her dark hair falling over her shoulder to hide her face from him. He bit back the urge to move her hair away from her face. If he touched her, he might end up breaking her. “Jinyoung thought it would be a good idea to welcome midnight here. You know, to overwrite the previous memory I have here. He’s right. He’s actually right. And we got everyone to come, too. It’ll be fine, see?”

Brian cast a perfunctory glance at the people she now associated with, nothing at all like the usual neat and shiny people Sara dealt with normally. Her kind was known for being crease-free and practically perfect. Was she really safe here?

“That’s a terrible idea,” he said. Mentally, he recited all the business calculus formulas he knew because otherwise his eyes would wander. Then his hands would want what it sees. He sent her a dark look. “You’re a trouble magnet.”

She laughed and turned to face him. “Yes, but you always show up at some point. And then you save the day and then you take me home. Very PG.”

The thoughts that he had forced back to the darker places of his mind had all roared back to life even before the words had completely left her mouth. She nodded and turned back to the pit. She pulled her hair over her opposite shoulder and a fierce ache moved through him and settled in his core.

“I could be wrong…but that’s Sungjin, isn’t it?”

Brian shifted his gaze towards the edge of the floor where Sungjin was very much being thoroughly kissed. In public. About time, he thought, but inside Brian cheered for Sungjin. At least one of them was having a good time. “Yep.”

“That’s…What are they doing?”

“What does it look like? They’re misbehaving.”

Sara leaned over the ledge, pressing far too forward, Brian instinctively held on to her waist. From the brief flashes of the strobe their way, he made out the redness in her cheeks and the embarrassment in her expression. Looking back down, at the sensual gratification oozing out from the pair, Brian felt his ears heat up as well. Sungjin wasn’t just being kissed, though there was quite a bit of that, his partner was also most definitely up to something and Sungjin was most definitely into it too.

“You’re a bit of a deviant yourself,” he uttered close to Sara’s ear. He loved how it made her eyes droop and her lips gape. “Always getting in trouble when I tell you not to.”

Sara fell into his chest in a soft thud and with the sweet scent of cherry blossoms rising above the alcohol and nicotine. She jumped back, hands on her face. 

“Let’s take you outside,” he chuckled softly, gently turning her around in his arms. “Where it’s safe.”

Brian lead her through the emergency exit just before the patron’s floor and out to a small balcony at the back of the building. The music transformed into a dull ringing in his ear and a faint echo from behind, and they welcomed what silence they’ve been offered. They were alone here, it occurred to him. He had her all to himself yet again. The last time they were alone, he almost kissed her. If Jae and Wonpil hadn’t walked in, would Sara have let him? And if she had let him, what would have happened next?

“I never knew this was here.” Sara explored the small hidden space at the back of the building. The balcony lead out to an old emergency escape and down to the back streets of warehouse. The space served more as a dump than anything else now.

Brian sat on the edge of an old metal table. He should have brought her properly outside. Down to a coffee shop. With people. Witnesses. “I’d be surprised if you did.”

“Where are we exactly?” She looked over the ledge and to the streets below. Brian tried not to look at places he knew he shouldn’t. He considered himself a gentleman, especially when it came to Sara.

Brian pointed at the next building. “That’s the next building, the one with the flower shop.”

“Huh.”

“Jinyoung might be looking for you.” He didn’t know the extent of her relationship with Jinyoung or what their history was, but he’d see them together from time to time, and he’d seen the way Jinyoung would look at her. Brian liked to think he was a pacifist, but no one else made his blood boil with jealousy. 

Sara looked at him from over her shoulder, her face half-obscured by the shadows. “Why would he be looking for me? Besides, I came with Jimin and Ayeon and they know where I am.”

It sounded too much like an invitation but he wasn’t sure to what just yet. He checked his watch. “Happy Birthday.”

She turned to face him, leaning back against the rails. Her blazer fell open, and Brian didn’t find it in him not to stare. “Thank you. Tomorrow morning I have this program at the greenhouse, then after that my parents are hosting this fancy dinner. I mean, who does that right? It’s my birthday. Can’t I just do whatever I want?”

“You’re a good girl.” Too good for him.

“I know. I’ve lived and overplanned good girl life, and I have an overplanned good girl life ahead of me.” She sighed and hung her head back, exposing the smooth column of her neck. “I’ve thought about it a lot. You know what I want to do?”

“No,” he breathed. But he knew what he wanted, and it stood not two feet away from him. “What do you want to do?”

“Something...something…”

“Stupid?”

Her head lolled back towards him. “No, not exactly stupid. Just something…” She bit her lower lip. Hooded eyes caught his gaze. “Just... _ something _ …”

“Reckless?”

He thought he saw her shudder, but it could have been from the cold. Sara closed her eyes and took a shaky breath before closing the distance between them. Every step was slow and tortuous, and the anticipation built up in his chest and inside his jeans. She stopped between his knees, and a curtain of her scent flooded his senses.

“Brian.”

“Yeah?”

She bit her lip and swayed forward.

“You sure about this?” he asked, prying his eyes away from her mouth and looking up at her eyes. She matched his heated gaze. It took all of his will power not to take her on this very table.

Unconsciously, she thrust her chest towards him. “Yes.”

She was so close, it was driving him mad. “You didn’t take anything from Jimin? Or Jackson? Or anyone, did you?”

“No,” she answered, breath all hot and needy. “I have my senses about me. I know what I’m doing. I…I want this.”

He licked his lips and Sara sucked in a breath. “Want what?”

“You.

“Me?” He paused to gauge Sara’s reaction. Was he expecting her to be joking? Did he think she would be nervous? Was he hoping she was looking for a reason to leave?

Sara’s expression remained neutral even as he searched her eyes for answers. He was certain that he’d had more experience than she did, if she was even experienced at all. Why, then, was it him that was a mess, how was it that it was him who was desperate? He’s had needs, but never this urgent.

Brian stood up and backed her against the wall with his body then pinned her hands over her head. He coiled hard and tight from where their lower halves connected, and she whimpered at the contact. He dipped his head and ran his nose down the side of her jaw.

“I remember the first time you walked into Catharsis,” he growled. “I didn’t like the way those guys were looking at you. And when one of them tried to kiss you—”

“Then why aren’t you kissing me?”

Brian continually stole glances at her, curious over the calmness she exuded. “Because you’re trouble.”

“Me?” she laughed. “I’m trouble?”

He loosened his grip and dragged his hands down to her waist. Her hands dropped to his shoulders for balance and she tried to kiss him but he denied her with a stern shake of his head. “Are you sure you’re sure about this?” About him.

“I’m sure.” Her voice was steady and her eyes were clear. “I want this. I want you.”

They shared a glance, and without needing the words, started down the stairs, out the shop, and back into the streets. He took her hand to help her through the darkness of the stairs and through the club’s back exit until they were out in the streets, The night air and the cabs whizzing past him brought in the cool night air and teased away the hair from Sara’s face and shoulders.

_ That’s it _ , he thought,  _ I’m doomed. _

 

***

 

When it came to seduction, Sara knew absolutely nothing but the dictionary definition of the word. And even then, she wasn’t entirely sure she grasped the intended meaning of enticing someone into sex. Especially if that someone was Brian Kang.

As they walked down the street, Sara stole glances at Brian. Up until that moment he had her against the wall, Sara had thought Brian saw her as nothing more than just another rich girl trying to prove she’s not what everyone said she was. Even as he helped her get away from whatever mess she landed in, walked her home when he didn’t have to, and all around looked out for her, the thought that he would ever desire her or even look at her in any sexual context was unimaginable. In all honesty, she doubted that even now.

In all their history together, and as far her earliest memories, Sara was known to be the reliable one. Responsible, sugar-filled, prim and proper Sara. Everyone and their mothers and aunts knew her as this. Youngjae and Jinyoung, the people she could consider her closest friends, handled her with absolute care. Jimin, her roommate of three years, tiptoed around subjects that might hurt her feelings or offend her. Even Ayeon, who they just met a few months ago, looked up to her as the shiny perfect girl she was supposed to be. There was the ragtag bunch of people who were connected one way or another to the people in her core group, all of them with the same look in their eyes when they regard her. 

Of all the people in her life, Brian was the worst. Brian saw her as spun glass, delicate and fragile. Often she felt the urge to open her mouth and tell them, convince them, that when she says she can take care of herself,  _ she can take care of herself _ . They meant well. She knew that in her heart. She could only hope that someday, when she was certain they wouldn’t leave her at the revelations of her imperfections—it had happened one too many times before—she’d allow herself to be more oh herself around them. Until the moment she gathered the courage, however, she would remain the Sara they knew her to be. Quiet, appropriate.  _ Good _ .

But then there was Brian.

Brian, who was making her feel all these feelings she knew she shouldn’t be feeling. He was a constant presence in her life and Sara would be lying if she said she didn’t look forward to the nights Brian would show up in her space. Be it at the library where they shared study hours, or to bring them food from that “secret place” somewhere off campus, or when he’d be on stage during heartache, Brian would always be around, checking in on her. It didn’t matter if they were at the club, a beach rave, or even some charity event her mother made her organize. When he’d accidentally damage a doorknob or a faucet at their dorm, he’d call in Sungjin immediately within the hour and watch it get fixed. Once, Brian had dragged a half-asleep Sungjin all the way to their dorm to fix Sara’s desk drawer and install more bookshelves. Just because. Even as he was witness to her drowning herself in school and social, intentional or otherwise, he never left. Even when she found refuge in drinking her worries away, Sara knew she was safe with him. No matter the state of her consciousness, the moment she would hear his deep, velvety voice, she knew no harm would come her way.

He hadn’t left yet, despite her constant nagging at them to join her cause. Really, it was less of the cause and more that she was desperate to have her friends with her during such stressful times. He never got fed up of having to constantly fend off unwanted people in her space. Of having to look out for her when she’s demanded him not to. Brian said so himself, she was trouble and a trouble magnet, but here was now.

Sara didn’t have friends apart from her roommates and their extended acquaintances. The power that came with her name and her family was heavy loaded baggage she couldn’t just leave behind. At her last internship, no one spoke to her, and she was right suspecting that they were working against her. She had lived her life having to constantly prove herself to people who assume that whatever she had was given to her with a silver spoon. That instead of working hard and putting in the hours, she was living easy shopping for clothes and organizing parties. Why else would she devote all this time with academic and extracurricular activities?

Okay, because she enjoyed them, but that’s not the point.

“Still with me?” Brian asked, looking at her sideways and encompassing a glance back at club and the still lively street. “I need you to answer out loud.”

“Yes, I’m here.”

Doubt raced through her mind. Was Brian about to call it off? It had been a ridiculous idea. Her? Seduce Brian? It was beginning to play out exactly like she had thought it would. She would only end up embarrassing herself asking Brian for one night. Maybe it wasn’t too late and she could return to the club, find Jimin and Ayeon and call it a night? Ayeon knew what she was up to. She had confided in her, trusted her. Jimin supported the decisions 100%, helped her through the entire processing of feelings and whatever else she needed. They’d understand if she backed out. Then they could drink their worries away and move on.

“So…” She paused at the intersection. Her phone felt heavy in her pocket; she could call her friends, ask if they were still at the club, and relocate to somewhere they were more comfortable in. There’s that exclusive clubhouse her family owned.

“Are your roommates home?” he asked.

“Yes, I think so.” Sara didn’t even make it back to her dorm this evening. After completing all their responsibilities at the company a little after 10PM, she met up with Youngjae and Jinyoung who interned there as well and headed straight to the club. Sara didn’t even have time to change out of her clothes. She just took off her white button down and left it in Jinyoung’s car.

“Our dorm is just a couple of blocks away. I can make sure no one will be back until morning.”

Her stomach flipped and leapt to her throat. “Okay.”

Once again, they walked in silence. Sara found it best to just leave Brian alone when he was in one of his brooding moods. Based on the complaints she’s heard about him, there was more of it lately. While she didn’t think it was odd, or even alarming, Sara did worry about Brian sometimes. He was always taking care of people. Who was taking care of him? He was the kind of guy to hold on to his feelings so tightly, who was there to carry the things that burdened him?

When they arrived, Brian held open the door for her and although she knew she should feel nervous about entering unknown territory, an odd sense of familiarity made her feel like home. As she took off her shoes, she swept her eyes across the area. Everything had a proper order: photographs were taped on the walls, old vinyl records were neatly stacked, gaming consoles not a inch out of line. 

She felt weird in with dim the lights over the room. Hesitantly, she took a step forward. Brian found a spot at the window sill at the opposite side of the room. There was enough space for him to sit, but only just. From there, he watched her.

Maybe she should have taken that shot of whatever Jae offered her when he provided Brian’s whereabouts. She wasn’t one to condone drinking your troubles away. Some people needed the filter, to soften the harsh edges of the world. Maybe just one, Sara thought, could steel her nerves.

She shrugged off her blazer. Really, she should have planned this out more thoroughly. Had she known she was seducing Brian tonight, she would have come in more prepared. Seduce. The word almost made her laugh. Her feelings were conflicted at most. Ayeon had said to her, that perhaps this was all but a feeling. She was human. She had ovaries. She had needs. It was unfortunate the object of her needs was Brian, but what had to be done, had to be done. She could barely focus on her daily tasks anymore. Ever since that almost kiss months ago, she couldn’t look at Brian without zooming in on his lips or thinking of him in the most inappropriate of ways. What she needed was to get him out of her system.

She needed to resolve him of his responsibility of taking care of her.

“What’s this really about, Sara?”

Her name from his lips sent a red-hot fist coiling through her inner thighs. “What does it look like?”

“You tell me.”

She braved a step towards him, and she put one foot in front of the other until she stood between his knees. With Brian looking at her so intensely, could she even hold herself together long enough to follow through? “I’ve been thinking about you. A lot.”

“And these thoughts?”

She bit her lip and Brian’s eyes flickered towards them for a moment. “About you. And me. Doing things.”

His eyes traced a path down her nose, her lips, her neck, then her shoulders. “What things?”

“Things,” she gasped. “Things we know we shouldn’t do.”

Brian fingered the edge of the flimsy straps of her camisole. He drew his finger down and to the side. “So this is what you hide under those good girl clothes of yours.”

Fire shot up her face and her core. Pressing her legs together and squeezing even tighter, she forced herself to look down at what had caught Brian’s attention. A tattoo, almost fine print hidden away along her ribcage. It was of a bird mid-flight. On to freedom, she thought. “I got it last summer.

“I knew you were hiding something,” he murmured, “always wearing those button-downs, those skirts, those stockings under your dresses.”

“You can find out for sure now.”

He drew his hand away. “But I shouldn’t, should I?”

“I’m asking you to.”

“And if I don’t?”

She understood the conflict in his eyes, really she did. She felt it, too. But the anticipation that had built up, had been building up since who knows when, was about to make her explode. Her flesh was sensitized and warm, and between her thighs hummed an expectancy that hurt. It never hurt this way before, not since Brian. It wouldn’t even take much, just the minimal effort. It was embarrassingly easy now.

“Then I’ll just have to take care of it myself.”

That had caught his attention and gave her the reaction she needed. Brian tensed under her, eyes flying to her eyes, jaw clenching, ears burning red. If she didn’t have his interest before, then she most certainly had him interested now. “How?”

“I think about you. About what it would be like with you. I can’t stop thinking about it.” And if she couldn’t get rid of all this discomfort, she was going to chew blood off her lips soon. “I’m not always such a good girl, thinking about things.”

“This is a test, right?” the words rumbled out of his lips like an unpracticed verse, “Or a dream.”

“See for yourself.”

But Brian just closed his eyes, almost as if he were praying to all the gods/goddesses/deities/omnipotent beings out there to give him the strength to reject her. Or, a delicious thought sidled into her thoughts, strength to do exactly everything she wanted him to do to her.

“Are you sure?” he asked again.

Fear and doubt held her by the throat now. Didn’t he want her? Was his mind so disgusted with the way his body was reacting to her? Sara fell a step back. Why did he bring her back here if he was going to reject her anyway? “Okay, I get it,” she nearly cried. “Okay. If you never—if you didn’t, if you don’t want this—”

The air left her lungs when he grabbed her, spun her around and pressed her hard against him. His fingers dug into her hips, fanning the flames into a conflagration inside her. “Oh,” was all she could say.

“I’m asking,” he rasped into her ear. “Because I need to be sure. If I’m the worst, most reckless thing you can ever do, then I need to know you’re sure. Because I can make it worth it. So if you’re sure you want this, I need you to say yes out loud.”

Sara turned her head to look into his eyes. Even if it was wrong. Brian was her friend, a very good friend. Things would never go back to the way they were before, and maybe that had been his question all along. But Sara wasn’t going to be a good girl tonight. She wasn’t going to just laugh this off, go home, and take care of it herself like she always did. “Yes. I’m sure.”

Brian’s hold on her hips increased, but it was much more than that. The movement reintroduced her his body, full and hard. Sara searched for something to hold onto, certain that whatever Brian was about to do, he was going to do it exactly as he held on to her like this.

He dragged his hands to the front of her jeans and undid the button and pulled down the zipper. She heard her thin, ragged breaths, and felt her pulse go haywire. Brian breathed deep into her ear, but his heart was racing—she could feel it reverberating on her back. Slowly he pulled her jeans down lower on her hips, revealing blush colored lace.

“What else do you keep under those good girl clothes of yours?”

She felt his voice like a hard bass in her bones. Just because she always dressed in corporate chic on the outside, didn’t mean the same applied on the inside. Brian wasn’t even moving yet, but her body already felt like a warpath. She could feel him in every extremity, and every private part of her.

He started slow. Unhurried. He was going to make it worth it, every second of a night she might never have again.

His hands fisted the fabric of her top, so tightly the straps snapped under the strain. The satin fell over her overly sensitive flesh, and she felt even more constricted in her strapless bra. He pushed down the cups and covered her with his hands, squeezing her gently, giving them the attention they’ve been craving for.

Brian released a shaky exhale. “Just tell me if it hurts.”

“Why do you always think that? I’m not going to break.”

“You overestimate my character.”

Then he banded his arm around her waist to keep her steady while his other hand slipped down her belly, down the fabric of her underwear, and over her. Her head thrashed back at the contact, and he’d barely even touched her. A finger slid inside the material and pressed against her entrance. She winced, hyperaware of the dampness he’d find there, but he groaned, low and guttural, and her thoughts scattered away. His finger glided up and down, teasing her in slow lazy circles when he went up and pressing against her when he went down.

She was beginning to spasm, her nerves jumping on edge from her feet, up her thighs, and her core. Ever sensual drag of his bassist fingers sent her closer and closer to the edge, then he started moving against her in time to a rhythm she couldn’t place. Everything about her was a restless mess, and her back bowed as he drove her closer and closer still. Her climax came in a breathless cry that turned her inside out. She needed more, so much more of him now. What other things was he capable of? What other things was she capable of doing for him?

He bit her ear. “That’s for That Night at the club. This is for the beach rave.”

“What?” But she could barely construct proper thought, and before she was even aware, Brian already had their positions reversed. Her back hit the edge of the window sill as Brian went down on his knees and peeled her clothes off…

And buried his face between her thighs.

New sensations overwhelmed Sara, sending her falling back and hitting her head against the window. Brian’s low chuckle rasped over her, and his hands gripped her hips so he could pull her closer. His mouth was on her, nudging and dragging. Sara could only focus on the feeling.

“You should tell me to stop,” he said, kissing her inner thigh. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“There is no right or wrong,” she answered, not even horrified her thoughts had flashed back to their shared lectures on Existentialism. “Just the moment. The world is only as good as the meaning we give it. Tomorrow, all this will be the past and you can detach yourself from it all you want. But tonight, there is only this moment.”

She thought she’d heard him curse under his breath, but he had pulled her right knee over his shoulder and his tongue found her bundle of nerves, and she was just lost in her own lust. In the pleasure. Her body convulsed with a moan. He sucked on her and her vision blurred around her. Just as her knees gave out, Brian caught her in his arms. Then she felt the couch on her back, with Brian still between her legs. She couldn’t think, couldn’t—-didn’t want to—-protest.

Focused only on Brian’s lips, she had no capacity to feel anything else, think of anything else, but the catharsis of relief as every muscle in her body reacted to the sensations overwhelming her. She didn’t know if it lasted for only minutes, or even hours. Brian had listed off her transgressions, getting back at her for each one. Every single time she upset him, whether she was aware of them or not, whether she consciously meant to do so or not. There was just too much, so much that as she sagged into Brian’s arms, her eyes closed almost immediately. She hadn’t slept this well in months.

Sara woke up just before sunrise. She knew this because she always woke up before the sun rose, no matter how little sleep she had the night before. Brian still had his arms around her in a loose embrace. He was fully clothed. Of course. Technically,  _ nothing _ happened. If she started thinking now, she wouldn’t make it back home. Gathering her clothes, she put them back on, but not as quickly as she thought. Just as she picked up Brian’s hoodie as an alternative to her top, one of his housemates walked in.

She pulled the hoodie over her head and slipped her arms through the sleeves. “Uhm. Good morning?”

“Hey.” Sungjin averted his gaze enough until she was ready to face him.

Well, this wasn’t awkward at all. Her friendship—should she call it that?—with Sungjin was strange. His character made it so that he spoke freely with her, he said things that surprised her, sometimes affronted her, but it was so much more refreshing than people tiptoeing around her. But this, this was just crazy. “So I’m just gonna go.”

It could have been worse. It could have been any one else that lived here. She counted herself blessed by some higher power out there.

He looked behind her for any trace of his roommate. Or any of their other housemates.

“He’s asleep.” Right on cue, a snoring Brian filled the gaps in their awkward silence. Brian  always did like to say he slept like a log. Nothing would wake him. “Anyway, I should go. Greenhouse later. You don’t have to come in to help today.”

“How can you work today?” Sungjin walked further into the house. “Unless you slept all night. If that’s the case, what a disappointment you are Brian Kang.”

“It’s not that.” Sara waved her hand, suddenly conscious of her top. She quickly picked her white blazer up from the floor and used that to hide her ruined camisole. “I just can’t not show up today.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Sungjin being Sungjin had offered her the opportunity to just be Sara as well. After she spoke with Ayeon and Jimin, she had asked for Sungjin’s opinion. It was enlightening, at most. Also in way over her head. She moved past him, toward the door. “Get him out of my system, that’s the plan, right? I think I’m getting there. I think we agreed, that was what last night was.”

“Sara.”

She turned back to look at him from over her shoulder.

“I’ll see you later. I don’t trust those guys to build those plant boxes like you want them to.” The way he said it made it seem like he meant to say something else but changed his mind last minute.

“Thank you.” It felt like a weight off her shoulders. “I’m relieved, actually, to hear you say that.” She began to smile. “I’ll see you later.”

“You owe me coffee.”

She owed him more than that. “Thanks, Sungjin.”

Then she was out the door and out of Brian’s life.

  
  



End file.
